Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
