trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
