I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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