we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
