Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
