But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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