Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
