Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
