Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
