Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
