I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
