party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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