I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
