I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
