oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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