Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
