why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
