Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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