i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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