I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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