Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
