I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
