i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
