she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
