I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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