I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
