At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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