I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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