Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
