Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
