So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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