He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
