My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
