You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
