it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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