you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
