Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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