If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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