my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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