I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
