So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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