if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
