you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
