Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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