I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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