my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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