why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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