I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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