So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
