So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
