You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
