i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
