we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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